so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
