i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
