I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
