Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
