well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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