Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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