I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
