come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
