how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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