9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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