Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
