So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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