I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
