Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
