dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
