Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
