Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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