There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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