my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
