There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
