i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
