Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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