Sober January is a disaster.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
