I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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