saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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