i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize