Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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