How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
