the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
