Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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