Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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