Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
