He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
