U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize