i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
