she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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