Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
