My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
