Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
