my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
