I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
