I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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