I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Soap is not a condiment
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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