you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are the jesus of drinking
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
