Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
