News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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