brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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