We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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