Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
