I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
