I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize