If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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