Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
