Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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