so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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