i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
