my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
