Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
