so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Terrible idea I love it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize