im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
