Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
