Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
