Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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