i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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