chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
