I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
