I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize