So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
