the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
