Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
