She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
